Early this morning, as I drove home from a local supermarket visit, I saw a middle-age woman inspecting and removing wildflowers from a patch of greenery beside a lengthy parking lot and train tracks.
Blacktop versus green grass; rusty train tracks near colorful flowers of beauty. Talk about contrasts. Come to think about it, that contrast itself adds to the viewed aesthetics. The difference makes the nature seem more lovely. As I continued driving, leaving the scene in rear and sideview mirror, I contemplated the reason the woman was selecting and picking the flowers. Maybe to place on a windowsill in a cup of water at her home, or to attempt to replant them perhaps in her home garden, beauty transferred from here to there? It also got me to thinking about how often I, when I need a break from my writing desk, exit my house and inspect the few bushes and growing trees along our fence, and the crepe myrtles that reside in the middle of the yard. Growth of different colors often appear next to leaves, protruding from the branches. I don't understand any of it, and I don't pretend to. Seeing the growth moving while being tossed by a soft breeze, maybe a bumble bee or butterfly feeding off a bud or full flower, is for me eye candy and restful. It is a continuation of my early morning prayers and scripture. Both allow me to step outside of myself to another realm, one where my cares disappear, even if just for a few moments, whether in bright sunshine or during a rain shower. Yes, there's peace there, too. I begin a project this week, and I've hired me. A book of reflection about spirit and nature in my tiny world, and what both together mean to my life. Steve
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Sometimes, you just have to stop, and then slowly, methodically, catch up to where you want to be.
For those whose lives are corroded with issues, no matter what type and level of concern, perhaps this post will cause reflection and thought. Effective June 1st, I had been laid off from my job for one year. The 12 months seem like an eternity, while at the same time went breezing by. While enveloped I the realm of the unemployed, I have freelanced, searched for full and part-time jobs, and started and stopped various fitness and nutrition regimens, selected books to read from the library and let them "rest" on my end table after reading just a chapter or two. So, right after June 1st, I asked myself, "Okay, what do I have to show that's positive from the past year?" Well, I gained a few new writing clients, significantly improved my spiritual life, and...okay, those are the positives, and that's good. However, I wasn't feeling good about myself. I wanted, but more importantly needed, to change. Better yet, to (for me, in my own way) simplify my life. The first thing I did was embark on a new fitness and nutrition program, one more challenging than the others and one I have vowed to finish. I was tired of the daily two coffees with cream and sugar, cookies from Barnes & Noble, bagel munching, overeating during dinner - just rising in the AM and going to bed in the PM, and in between just existing. What I did was replace a few negatives with a positive, and that has made a significant difference to my temperament, sleep habits, and how I view my day and life. Also, what little television watching I used to do has just about been eliminated, unless it's a PBS arts show that my wife, daughter, and me watch together. I have replaced this with an aggressive reading itinerary that meets with positive instant gratification. I have read many times how instant gratification can be a ruination; however, it depends on how you use it, and TV viewing has been replaced by wisdom and "entertainment" within the book binding. More on this ion next week's "Some Thoughts This Week" post. So, I'm still me, with a just a few challenging changes. Right now, I'm feeling pretty good. Steve I'm typing this blog post while reminiscing.
It was a year ago yesterday, June 1, 2017 that I for the first time in 38 working years of my life, was laid off from a salaried job. It seems like forever, yet also feels like it just occurred. Unless you've walked the walk, it isn't easy. I have kept myself busy in a business mode by freelance writing part-time while searching for a full-time job, but this alone doesn't "carry me" to a good place. Someone told me last June that unless I found a way to keep going, I, like his Dad (who retired from a university job at age 70 and just lounged at home) would be dead in a year. Well, I solved that, doing the freelancing and tending to family and home needs. There had to, and still has to, be something else. Building our home library, referencing everything and shelf placing the books in proper order has been fun. And it's funny, but no matter how many books we have in our basement "cave," the urge is always there to head to Sprague Library at Montclair State University and search for and charge out books instead. Perhaps only another book lover or reader would understand or could properly explain. Keeping the backyard birds satisfied with feed and fresh birdbath water has been a twice-a-day event, seeing how they live their lives compared to mine an interesting thing. However, the most important thing (or things) I've done is focus more on my spiritual life. Early morning finds me at my basement desk, watching a Mass on YouTube and reading scripture, interesting and beneficial thoughts logged in my prayer journal, which has now grown to almost 6 volumes. Another is Saturday evening Mass with my family, which I was unable to do when I "worked a job" on weekends, as is our twice-a-week family scripture reading and prayer sessions on weekdays. Mentioned in this paragraph alone are steps I have taken personally and suggested to my family to find a true, deep peace which I don't find if I just wander through the motions. I needed something more, and that need never departs. So while the grind and business aspect are, of course, necessary, there is something at the core of me that writing alone doesn't touch: my spirit. Working my way there, exploring it, is the most peaceful thing of all. Steve |
Steve Sears is a New Jersey based freelance writer
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